Filter

Pop tarts, marts and meals,

Summer stars and mass appeal,

One foot up and the doorbell rings,

You win hands down,

The house, you bring.

Sing a song,

You said you would.

Share these hours,

under the hood.

I won't tell on you;

I have understood..

Meanings- distant and close to reproach,

I wish I had known

before I married the coach,

Who walked with a swagger,

And spoke like no other.

Run, sprint and jump across,

Widen this chasm.

No need to cross.

Burn down every bridge you see,

Silence is fiery.

To you, it will, teach.

Flee and flow,

into the last row,

Of yesterday's answers,

To everything you think you know.

And cut and snip,

Every last lock.

Of tresses, passed,

And conditions bought.

The song on my mind...

"Don't question why she needs to be so free,
She'll tell you it's the only way to be.
She just can't be chained,
To a life where nothings gained.
And nothings lost,
At such a cost.

There's no time to lose, I heard her say.
Catch your dreams before they slip away.
Dying all the time,
Lose your dreams,
And you will lose your mind.
Aint life unkind?"


--Ruby Tuesday by The Rolling Stones

Answers? Required.

And sometimes when logic twists every straight line you try to draw. You run along the crests and troughs of every stream of cursive. And music bellows, while tornados burst open, through every old creaking door. You are caught in a whirlwind and surrounding you, is an orbit of faces, words and tears that seem strange, stimulating a series of actions working one after the other in orders tandem.

What next? You wonder. Afraid and wonderstruck. Why? Curious and wonderstruck. Stuck and wonderstruck. Apprehension? Yes, although, it comes with a certain unidentifiable excitement.

What is going on?

Mirror

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful-
The eye of the little god, four cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.


by Sylvia Plath.

**********

An old favourite :)

Listen

Why must silence be so unfair?
Every step so unforeseen,
Never a moment,
Nor a breath given.

I feel this as you do,
Breathe in as you do,
And dream as we have.
Better it will be.
For tomorrow
And the day after,
Will resound something anew.

Take these off
And drop all guards,
We require not!

I want you to come back again,
To walk me down the shore
That night where we began.
No more downpours
Only love's rain.
Listen to what calls us.
It sings again.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Just a prayer..

Such a creep...

"...But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f-ing special
I wish I was special

....Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special... "

(Radiohead's Creep)

-----------------------------------------

I don't think I've been this disconnected with reality as I am right now. I promised myself I'd be better than this. I promised myself that I'd get around this. I promised, that I wouldn't be fodder for pain that came unrequited.

But then, Life decides to pour down on you, and by the time you run for cover, you find yourself submerged neck deep. What do you do then? 

...What I need right now is, a float, not an umbrella.. 

--------------------------------------------

I tweeted this earlier - "Disorientation is when you feel your heart, ache in 92 different places, while your brain takes off on 92 different tangents."

--------------------------------------------

I cry buckets. I am told that I cry "for the silliest things". I would like to disagree...But..anyway, I've never cried like this in the longest while. Why must it be so difficult? There are a hundred different things meandering in and around every convulation of my brain. There are voices buzzing inside of, and outside my head..There cannot be a more vivid description of chaos than this.

-------------------------------------------

Why?

Karma??

Damn!

------------------------------------------

I could use a cloud of adjectives to describe my current state of mind. (This is when a sound vocabulary comes in handy! :p) But it would still not be enough. Plus, would it help erase all that has been said and done?...No!

------------------------------------------

I am a sloppy piece of work!..Is my optimism sheathing the fact that I might be bordering on a delusional disorder?? Is there really, any hope at all??

-----------------------------------------

I need a new box of tissues and a hug.

My Coral Corset

Air tight and suffocate.

This is my coral corset.

I dressed in time for you to see,

How delicate a waist could be.

But your eyes traveled much too far,

Enough to excite dormant scars.

Running down the marble stairs,

I escaped into your tainted lair,

Where darkness grips and writhes in fear,

And the soul stirs and disappears.

The knell gets louder by every passing hour.

As I feverishly write in this desolate tower:

For them to know how vain it has been.

A masquerade I did parade.

For you to know how much you mean.

In riddles did I always speak,

I apologize for everything I've been.

On which side of eternity is my place reserved?

My heart questions; My mind unperturbed.

An eerie calm in the chaos,

Like charity sans any pathos.

A forewarning of what is to be.

On a flute accompanied by a tambourine,

The melancholy in the melody,

Rises above the clouds and beyond the trees.

What is to happen is closer than it seems.

I see unicorns on a carousel.

And I pray for another time.

Only to realize,

The wheels that turned,

Were in hands that weren't mine.

A thought. A whisper.

This has been the coldest winter.

I have always loved Orchids in purple.

Bring them to me. Be sure to remember.

The clock finally struck two.

My waist now bent,

And the knife stuck through,

My bloody coral corset.

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black

Dear Cavity/ Cavities,

This is an urgent request for you, to stop making my tooth/ teeth explode in my head.

Also, please do not resort to any more modes of panic, and/or subsequent nervous frenzy, whenever there is an oral intake of a cold beverage or Ice Cream.

I urge you to not spread, or dig any deeper. You will not find anything!

I also wanted to bring to your notice that, Chocolates, candy, cakes, sugar etc., are here to stay. Please don't scare them away. They're nice..and sweet! In fact, you should be friends with them.

And, there is one other thing that you must know in addition to the aforementioned detail- I hold a special disregard for dentists in general. Nothing personal, but, a minute's visit to a dental chamber is enough to leave indelible scars that last a lifetime. Some of which, I'm still battling. So, please do whatever you must, in order to spare me the trauma.

Now, in case you're wondering about what you'd get in return; I will seal this deal by assuring you, that the foamy goodness of Fluoride will be delivered to you every day...and yes, night too! This will be followed by an exquisite rinse in the finest and freshest menthol, Listerine could ever provide.

Looking forward to your kind and favourable action in this regard.

Thanking you,

Yours Sincerely,

The girl with the chocolate bar.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2

Hope

My heart's got strings....No kidding! It does...And they tug hard!...

Of late...something weird has been happening. There is a certain pressing need to apologize and I must. I'm reckless otherwise, at least recent records claim so...uggh!.. but there's a bug in my brain and I need to get it out.

 **I'm Sorry and I know it isn't enough. I will make it better. I have hope!**

**************************************************

But weirder still, SoulCity has been showing up everywhere. Something wants me to leave...for something that has been close to my heart but has never been that close...that.. i-really-must-do-this close!

...Faces, their hands and stories, beads and a book..and more.

 I know but I don't know ...! Like I said it is weird.  Maybe it is a phase.. maybe nostalgia.. Maybe! *sigh*

***************************************************

We are so blessed yet we take most things in our lives for granted. Like HH Dalai Lama said, and I agree in totality, We do live in a world, full of paradoxes. For every blessing poured into our lives, our acknowledgment of its receipt, comes with a razor-sharp critique when, all that we needed to do was be grateful. True, it isn't possible to always be happy (..that is just abnormal!) but do we really need to grumble about everything??

We look forward to Tomorrow because something Yesterday, was worth living for. So why do we take Today for granted?

I say this because I have done so. . .My degree of cynicism has often reached shameful heights that sometimes envelope a certain much-loathed creature called Callousness. Insensitivity is the worst pet anyone could breed, and with it you breed parasites!!

And often times, because of my shortsightedness, I only see this much.

But I have hope. I read this today - " ..And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts..." (Romans 5: 5)


...And there is so much and more to be thankful about.

Vapour and Tape

Introspection: thorough reflection.
Find harnessed to my mind, is a jar full of words,
dragged along the mud.
I'm weird, strangely wired and jolting blues..
searching for clues,
messing with waves,
trying to hit an impossible octave.
Eccentricity is a bend,
a curve tandem; ever so random.
Figures form visions.
Bloating decisions.
Impulse and Inertia.
Bothersome but frigid.
Details in a turvy,
Topsy sugar cubes.
Sizzlers and riddles will i question no more.
Ask me this,
Show me that.
Pill fixes and a cola fizz.
Uh! I'm in a daze;
Jimi called it purple haze.
But I'm around,
Intoxication finds me and about.
Love your high.
Thinning in the vapour;
Leave behind corners.
Circular and bound,
Bound and abound.
Plucked out and loud.
Goodbye.
Away.Faraway.
Vapour and tape.

This! I so love!!

Absolute or Nothing

This twine should be wound around nothing
This call must be left unattended.
That sliver must not chip.
Nor the paint ever peel.

If ever the page should tear.
Hand me crisps whose body, now bare.
And if ever walls do crack
Be ready to seal it back.

Because you require not pages,
Written in your honour,
Nor prayers that take hours.

For all the plays you presented
With effortless charm.
In every chapter you so staged;
I must now perform.
With all the knowledge you've vested,
And all the skill I've honed.
To put back in its place.
This perfect and unmoved,
Frozen state.

Nimble! Nimble!

You said it again!
While I sang to the rain.
Leaving your tenor on the altar
Your voice knew no strain.
But in unison,with me, they joined again,
Seraphims, resounding in glory
From Heaven's golden train.

Must it always empty so quick?
For the paint to stick on nothing,
And the calls to never pick?

But this is good.
And better will be soon.
For your vision will I still pray
That you may not stumble another day.
And thank whoever did warn,
Of pain that came unrequited,
With love.
..And it did haunt.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.1

Amazing Grace

My first tattoo!!...I've waited for this one for a good 4 years, at least! And for more than 3 and a half hours, I sat crouched on a chair, getting my shoulder blade poked with an ink filled needled gun. The pain??...Was bearable and not excruciating as I had anticipated, but yes the last 20 minutes, or so(..It felt like a lifetime!) was the worst. I could feel my body giving way because of exhaustion. But it was worth it!

 And no..I do not enjoy pain. I am definitely not a masochist.

I did A LOT of homework before deciding to get the tattoo done. I needed, to make sure doubly, that what my heart wanted wasn't going to go against God's heart. My conscience needed to be clear. And in doing so I read up quite a lot...Scriptures and websites!

To quote from Leviticus 19: 28 (The Message version), it says "Don't gash your bodies on behalf of the dead. Don't tattoo yourselves. I am GOD."

The above scripture was the alarm bell that went off in my head. But I read further only to understand that   Leviticus firstly was a book of God's laws for all Israelites. In those days, it was a book that outlined rules and was a guide for their day to day living. And in the context of this particular scripture, keeping in mind the historic setting at the time it was written, it meant to not participate in pagan rituals, mark our bodies in preparation of the dead or imprint on ourselves, symbols and signs that belong to the heathen.

And if we are to stick to this particular law then we must adhere to everything else that the book of Leviticus has to say. And in doing so we may become vegetarians, cover our heads at all times and never wear clothing  made out of polyester!! ..Refer Leviticus!

However, we don't do these things solely because it isn't applicable nor practical in this day and age. And more importantly, the power of Jesus allows us to not be bound in a rut of legalism and by the rituals of the law, but to have the grace and the freedom to live above the law.In the New Testament, Romans 8:1-2 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

 For me personally, my tattoo stands for most of the things my life is about and it has a story to tell. God's "Amazing Grace", is what sees me through every day of my life. I cannot do without it. 2nd Corinthians 12: 9 says "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness."

 And I believe that completely. I have made mistakes and done some irreversible damages, but I go back to the Grace I can rely on. I go back to Him for strength and wisdom. And with every passing day I fall more in love with him.

He has made some of the most impossible things, Possible in my life. There has been a metamorphosis in me and its wheels are in motion. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know I'm secure, in safe hands.

His Grace is where my Faith is.

...And the execution!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.1

The concept

.....Sketched by me, of course ;p

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.1

Dear little heart shaped box

Dear little heart shaped box,

Find me a song, to hum it's tune.
Make the sunshine stay- dawn, dusk and noon.

Keep them safe, my secrets still.
Hide the notes, the ink and the pills.

Hand me maps to roads least trodden,
And keys for doors, waiting to be opened.

Fail not, all that is expected of you.
Courage, I hear, will see you through.

Speak to a doctor, a seer and a firefly.
And hush me silent when you hear me cry.
Teach me all that is there to know.
Hasten not, of me, to let go.

Search for words that hold all meaning.
Syllables, will I join, wringed of every feeling.

Morph my soul into fairy dust sprinkles.
Show me love from the star, that last twinkled.

And faithfully yours, will I ever be..
If you give me the moon and a song to sing.

....I

I am the rage that was swallowed
...scorn that you unleashed
...the blood smeared sword you sheathed
and the sanctity you tarnished.

I am your one last kiss
...art bespoke
...the heart you once touched
and the stone you tossed into the ocean.

I am Symphony that went unheard
...truth that was hushed
...memories that you reminisced
and the riff you failed to play.

I am the line you drew crooked
..the perfection you attempted to tailor
...the trophy you possess
and the glamour you always craved.

I am rain that pelted
..the flame that it dowsed
..pain that it numbed
and the thirst that was quenched.

I am what embalmed your wounded soul
...the colours that faded in a rainbow
..treasure that you once stole
seeds that you, then sowed.

I am your disease
...nemesis at your doorstep
...and the name you mustn't take in vain
I am your nocturnal fears
..the tears your pillows witness
...and the wall, on which it's shadows dance

I am life in all its glory
...stains that will always tell a story
Listen and surrender to my fury.

Smile, Tolerate, Respect and Love...
For I am evrything the mirror sees.

Faith & Adonai

Faith, as I see it, goes way beyond the walls of denominations or any other sort of a sectoral segregation. Plainly put - Religion is a phenomenon that was man made, serving only to dice up a formerly human(e) society.

I speak of Faith and by Faith which i must state delves deeper. It is more than lighting a candle or taking dips in water. Faith is simple yet wondrous: Faith the size of a mustard seed can surely move mountains. It paves a way for you and me to find our identity in our creator, establishing an unshakable bond. By faith I know, that, no matter how many tribulations come my way, He will never let go. Silent prayers and songs of praise will never be unheard. The guarantee of His Blessed Assurance will never be doubted.

Jesus lived a life of utmost simplicity. In all the simple truths he taught, he never once spoke of dividing ourselves into complex microcosms based on what we think is the surest way to salvation. As apostle Paul mentioned- There is only one way: Him. Then why are wee seeking to find newer paths that meander their way around complexities that find no solutions? Why do we browbeat ourselves trying to keep up with rites and rituals, when at the end of the day, we only needed to accept and believe?
Why cant we just get back to the truth? It is never changing and most definitely the ultimate.

A Mad Pursuit...or not!

…Because pursuits in this mortal world is vain. The quest for that which is larger than life, diminishes entirely and eventually. Associating thoughts with objects only translates to bondage, that which places shackles on one’s heart and subsequently on the purpose of his/ her existence.

I am not saying that pursuing success or wealth is wrong.  In its own right it is healthy and gives us reason enough to work hard. However what’s wrong, is this largely burgeoning desire to squeeze one’s life to the very last drop, failing-in the bargain- to notice how fulfilling that very life would’ve been, had one let go and shared all that had been acquired so far- knowledge, warmth, shelter and of course, love.

You can’t gratify your bodily senses and neglect your own soul. Much more than your lust for alloy wheels or patent leather pumps, is the need for  your soul to live in freedom. In Matthew 16: 26, Jesus tells his disciples – “..And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? (NLT)”

So what good is it, to hold on to that which is of this world? Fleeting and bound by an expiry date?

Ambition will cave in once your 85. Iron will rust 20 years from now. Colours will fade from the favourite corner of your room. The buoy that we find our boat tied on to will, eventually be wind worn and washed away.

However you don’t have to look very far to find the anchor that will hold your ground if you find yourself in the eye of the storm. Look up to Him and find Love. A love that conquers and gives you the power to heal, the power to progress, the power to purify, the power to be free and the power to give. Embrace life that is purposed by God’s grace and love; seek His favour in all you do and count your many blessings, that He will unceasingly send your way.

Vanity Fair??

 "Mirror Mirror on the wall, Please tell me I'm the fairest of them all.."
....Such is the self consuming nature of the times we live in.

A few months ago I had developed some food allergy which left behind bad rashes on my skin. And I had, never more longed for soft supple skin than, I did then. Consequently I freaked out more than I should have.

But that entire ordeal did make me think…It made me realize(overwhelmingly, I shall admit) how vain I had gotten over the past few years, and how utterly futile, is this marathon pursuit of vanity! I mean I’m constantly bickering on how my nose doesn’t sit right on my round face or how my eyebrow isn’t arched right or how my arms make me look like hulk Hogan( yeah! I’m a crib pot and I think I’ve got fat arms!). So I had decided, that one fine day when I’ve accumulated enough resources, I would fix my nose and sink my cheeks.

But would I be happy?? Honestly, No!…I’d still be cribbing…If I am not happy now, I’d never be happy then! This is exactly what I mean by futility!

On a general note, most of us make tall claims of being ourselves or wanting to establish our individual identities on who we essentially are but at the same time we are the ones who are the most insecure lot!…and to start with, it’s the mirror that bears witness to this insecurity. When we’re so bound with wanting to change the way we look, how in the world are we going to ‘be ourselves’. Perfection isn’t attained with silicons, scalpels, collagen and botox; it is attained thro’ acceptance- acceptance of who you are and what you’re meant to be, as prescribed by the laws of nature. You cant change that. If its written, then its good!!

This just reminds me of an article I read recently where Julia Roberts said that we live in such dysmorphic societies where women don’t give themselves a chance to know what they’ll look like as they grow older. I couldn’t agree more! I don’t want to be a Dorian Gray- immortalising my youth by gutting nature’s truth.

However, I don’t think vanity is all that bad; part of it is loving yourself. So the pursuit will continue, but only thro acceptance and not alteration, ofcourse with a little help from bronzers, Kryolan D14 and the cross trainer.

Therefore high cheek bones are now officially off my wish list, else the dimple on my cheek would never sit any prettier!

The Prince and the Sparrow

Cyanide shot the little sparrow,
Met it's target, your poisoned arrow.
So you did- you my prince.
Shunning every word, you winced.
What did happen here, right now?
Bleak and blurry...
Oh, but how?
Quitting every ounce of faith,
Trampling truth and drying lakes,
Tears, you see, they run no more,
Runs my heart, to yonder shores.
Pushed me, this time, much too far.
Another second, another scar.

This, right here, is my final word.
As I meet my Maker, who first heard.
Goodbye to you- the dearest one,
Kept you first- but I came undone.

Fear not this world, my child!
Whilst Cherubs protect you noon and nigh,
Forget us not- so golden our time.

Save your targets for the right arrows.
Kill not, I pray- this little blind sparrow.

Musings and the High Street

 “Fashion is a strange and compelling creature.” – Shobhaa Dé


As much as I love fashion, I am yet to understand the technicalities, so involved. Picture this, for example: Ten of us, models, standing in tow waiting to be fitted into clothes that are being showcased that particular evening. While the designer and the choreographer discuss the different forms, silhouettes and colours with regard to which garment would suit a model or vice versa ( ..I’m confused.), I stand amazed by the latter’s in-depth working knowledge- silently hoping to be like him someday: Stylish, Fun and Informed.

I try hard to decipher the jargons that fly past my ears and finally google words like ‘taupe’(a certain shade of beige), ‘Chevron’ (a triangular motif, inspired by the military regiments) and ‘Culottes’(flared trousers or what we usually call-divided skirts).

Well, there’s more to know and I am eager to find out.

***************************************************************************************************

 I don’t think fashion has anything to do with ground rules and style was never about statements. A top that screams ‘Ed Hardy’, thrown over a-shredded-to-threads-pair of denims and teamed with an attention-craving LV is only about statements (Blinding and offensive!) sans the panache!

And even though, each part of your anatomy has been labelled by different high street and oh-so-couture brands, it is essential to know that you might have just turned yourself into a delightful little douche bag!!

I understand I’m being rather harsh but Truth hurts and Reality ends up biting bigger and vainer holes into your pocket.

Lesson no. 1: Money does not buy Swagger!

****************************************************************************************************

Sequins are overrated and must be banned from being sown on to every other saree,Lehnga,Salwaar-Kameez, etc. Ditto for crystals, stones and every other gawdy bling element that the filmi-fashion aficionados obsess over.
I’d rather be draped in Kalamkari or block printed silk 6-yarders, breathing easy and observing better.

*****************************************************************************************

I’m thrifty by circumstance but I lust after clothes, shoes and bags by interest. If money were not an object, I’d match my dresses with a different Birkin everyday!!! But….I shall not be greedy and covetous. There’s more to life than beautiful diamond-encrusted patent leather bags (Sigh!).

 And while I find my purpose to this life, I will hop malls and raid secret hide-outs tucked away in the by lanes of this city.

Sometimes I like Ozzy...sometimes.

I wish I could play this track in football stadium....really loud!!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8