Such a creep...

"...But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f-ing special
I wish I was special

....Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special... "

(Radiohead's Creep)

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I don't think I've been this disconnected with reality as I am right now. I promised myself I'd be better than this. I promised myself that I'd get around this. I promised, that I wouldn't be fodder for pain that came unrequited.

But then, Life decides to pour down on you, and by the time you run for cover, you find yourself submerged neck deep. What do you do then? 

...What I need right now is, a float, not an umbrella.. 

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I tweeted this earlier - "Disorientation is when you feel your heart, ache in 92 different places, while your brain takes off on 92 different tangents."

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I cry buckets. I am told that I cry "for the silliest things". I would like to disagree...But..anyway, I've never cried like this in the longest while. Why must it be so difficult? There are a hundred different things meandering in and around every convulation of my brain. There are voices buzzing inside of, and outside my head..There cannot be a more vivid description of chaos than this.

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Why?

Karma??

Damn!

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I could use a cloud of adjectives to describe my current state of mind. (This is when a sound vocabulary comes in handy! :p) But it would still not be enough. Plus, would it help erase all that has been said and done?...No!

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I am a sloppy piece of work!..Is my optimism sheathing the fact that I might be bordering on a delusional disorder?? Is there really, any hope at all??

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I need a new box of tissues and a hug.